P is for Refrigerator

Oh, thank God! We’re finally stopping. I should have known better than to let Mike drive. Before we left home, he assured me that we could stop and see the sights at any time. “Just let me know if you see anything that looks interesting!” Yeah, right.

We’d gone about two hundred miles before I thought a stretch of the legs would be in order. “Hey, there’s a wildlife park up ahead; why don’t we get a few pictures?”

“Mmm, no. I want to get there before dark.”

Sigh. Fine. We kept going.

Some time later, my twenty-ounce coffee caught up with me. “Uh, Hon? Any chance we could find a gas station?”

“I’ll look, but I want to get there before dark.”

“There’s one!”

“Too far off the road.”

“Twenty yards is NOT too far off the road!”

“I want to get there before dark.”

I gritted my teeth. “My kidneys just blew up. Could we at least stop for some paper towels?”

“Very funny. I want to—“

“Get there before dark, I know, I know.”

He smiled, knowing I would forgive him anything. “We’ll stop on the way back and look at everything then.” Hah! As if. The last time he pulled that line, we ended up driving south for two states and coming back via a completely different route.

I alternated window-gazing sulks with rounds of sock knitting. I’ve heard of people who can finish entire sweaters on road trips, but I’m not one of them. For one thing, I tend to get carsick if I spend too much time staring into my lap. For another, the roads we always end up on are atrocious. I’m just as likely to get a swift poke in the eye from a needle as manage a few respectable stitches.

By the time we fetched up in front of the hotel, the only sight I wanted to see was a shower. I was in the middle of a nice neck stretch when I chanced to spy the sign advertising the various hotel amenities. Along with free “Wi-Fi”, there was a Jacuzzi and in-room refrigepator. Wait, what?

“Mike, look at the sign. They have refrigepators here!”

“RefrigePATORS?”

“Yeah. Must be for keeping your head cool.”

That did it. In a flash, Mike had jumped up on the low retaining wall that ran along the length of the parking lot and was letting loose in best medicine-show fashion.

“Step right up, folks, and witness the amazing refrigepator! Keep your cool and please your pate in the privacy of your own room! Yes, friends, you can toss in your toupees, wad up your wigs, and heave in your hairpieces. The super handy-dandy refrigepator will dress your tresses with the cool, cool breezes of Old Man Winter. Soothe your scalp in the sultry summertime with the one and only refrigepator!”

A couple on their way to the check-in office paused. After a brief but heated discussion, they decided to rent a room anyway.

“Come down, nut job. I want a shower before dark.”

Mike grinned, then hopped down and reached for our bags.


By Penny Dreadful